Wants.

So I haven't done much in my hols, but I'll give you a list of what I want! :D Not that I want you to buy any for me but if you do holycrap i'll love you. with that said, TADAAAAAAA. *.*

1. Moccasins

isn't it soooo purdy. :3 yah well it is. but you can't get like the original ones, (the ones with sheepskin slash whatever poor animal's skin) in Malaysia, but Padini has these bright colored ones. I wanna get one but it's like 70 bucks.

2. Make friends not enemies.
Sounds weird but I do really want this. In school, my friendships are like good and then some stuff are just like blah. So I went for NST camp, and it honestly made me alot better but then cause of some really stupid thing some guys dislike me now. Okay then, not understand the whole thing & dislike me, dascooltoo.

3. Dip-dyed or highlighted haair ;)
I've wanted them since I was 10. No joke. they're just really pretty in my opinion and when I'm like 18 I probably will dip dye my hair. YES.

4. Leather biker jackeeeet

sorry but can you just look at those at a second and not adore em
I have a tiny obsession with leather biker jackets. It really isn't that big but when I see one like this my eyes pop out and I am uber jelly. So much lovvvveeeeeeee!

5. Be closer to God.
My walk with God has never been that passionate. I need to learn to love him more. Not that I don't already, it's just that the love isn't like yearning for more, yknow? It's very comfort zone-y. & I really do want to be closer to Him :)

6. TOMSSS!!

So handsome yet so casual. and comfy too! heh.
but it's bloody expensive. nooooooo, so handsomeeeeee

I think that's pretty much all. If I do think of more, I'll add them in this post over time. xx

We're going in circles.

Hullooooooo.
Quick post.
Just got back from NST and then I heard alooooot of things that I never actually like knew knew, lol.
But seriously whaat.. you guys don't even know the whole story then y'all dislike me? KWUT. Like seriously I didn't know that you guys disliked me/whatever whatever. But when I saw it when I came back, I'm just like. -_____- But sorry if I made like your friends angry at you or made you feel ditched by them or anything. I seriously didn't know that it'd be like THAT dramatic.

Anyway, youuuuuuuuu. You weren't in nst today, boo. Would have been nice to see you drumming out or being the bassist ah whatevs. :p Hope you did great in their iu day tho. You prolly looked so fine. LOL.
really hungry but i'm so lazy to walk down meeeeh.

kbyes! x

Everything changes.

Hi guys!
So I came back from NST camp on Sunday. But I didn't have any access to the internet. (My lappie is still in a coma, pfft.) Anyway, it was really fun! And there were tons of hot guys there *.* not that it's why it's fun.
I was in Valient buuuut it was super great. :) Made new friends & stuff so I guess I look forward to NST now. ;p

Moving on, gamma camp is next saturday. Excited. But I don't think it'll be as fun as the nst camp because like. I prefer making new friends than getting to know the person you've seen in the hallway yknowww. ;)
I'll post pictures if I bother to. Craving chatime now! ): meh.
Visited paradigm mall, the shops there are pretty cool :p But I went around 9 so we didn't have much time to see everything. Next time.

you're perfect.
bye! :)

Well, thanks.

Hi, no one reads this but oh well.
So May has been shit. Like honestly, what the hell? I hate May.
I just feel like it's been so screwed up & no one has been there for me. Like seriously.
People don't understand what I go through.
And when I want to tell someone something, they go & make me feel like I can't tell them anything.
Thanks alot because right now I feel like shit.
AND TO MAKE THINGS BETTER, I forgot my tumblr email.
my life <
sigh
midterms just started today and I can tell you, it's not easy.
i just want to break down and cry like the kid i am but i know i can't afford to
it's just that
Jules smells good.
and I miss you very much. you, you and you.
bye xx

Sticks & stones are never gonna break me.

So I've heard something about a picture a day thing but I'll just do a picture a post. This one was when I was in Malacca, and I had eyeliner on :p

school's tomorrow what a bummer xx

oh & i was watching liam live this morning. thatboy :)

If we burn, you burn with us.

Hi beauts! :)

was going to head to bed soon (im lying), but I decided to blog since I need to catch you up on my life too. so far, this week has been a pretty good week minus some major arguments but they happen all the time anyway.

mondaytuesdaywednesdaaay.

thursday was pretty fun if you ask me. oh & editorial was alright but I have no friends that I actually talk to there so I'm like aaaaloooone. Oh boy.

goodfuhridayyyyy!

school was meh. i hated it idk why. but cf was fun fun fun :D oh and i drew an easter egg too heh. volleyball training was intense brooo. Hardcore. But it was fun. BUT WHY DID IT RAIN NOOOO but it was still fun! :) and uh I did sort of talk to him. but im happy :D

saturday,

I went for Narrowstreet. Which is my church's youth. It was quite fun :) Was supposed to be with Sab but she didn't turn up but Elizabeth, Eve & Carissa were there. Elizabeth is so outgoing, she's super niceeee. And my cell leader's Hannah or Hanna but she's really nice too. Everyone's like super sociable (more or less anyway) and I enjoyed itttt. But I'm gonna have to decide between the StJohn camp or nst next week. I wanna go for both but I can't. I'M REALLY BAD IN DECISIONS. I can't do it alone. ):

this week has been great to me. I thank God for giving me courage and strength to overcome even the worst days and times when I feel alone. & I do feel that WE are growing apart. I guess those long talks don't really mean alot so nevermind..

primark stuff is really cute *.* let me live in london.

lights out xxx

Tell me baby, will you be here when I wake up?

Hi readers.

School was alright, abit sucky to be honest. But if I said that it must be hell for everyone else because I'm so used to it already. Anyways today I went to Amcorp mall with my mom and it's like this kind of old mall with tonnnnns of flea market stalls. I bought a vintage flowery dress from one of the stores and this crochet cover up which is gorgeous! :D

and then before dinner i bought this month's seventeen mag because I WANT TO and guess what? My mom judged me. again. Forever judging me and not my sister. If my sister wants to go out, oh yes please I want you to have fun. Me? OH NO YOU AINT GOING OUT. Seriously? I know, 14 isn't that big of an age but can you stop controlling my life please. My mom told my aunt that I'm always wanting to be popular because I read the fashion magazines. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME.

Recently been addicted to nail polish and I keep painting my nails during the weekends and rubbing them off on Sunday. Wasteful but meeeeh, makes up for me not going out. ;)

I'm sexy and I KNOW IT! I like the way LMFAO says that in Madonna's song.

Dance dance dance danceeeee xx

earth hour in 30 minutes and everyone's going out to get starbucks. awman. sucksferme.

A penny for my thoughts.

If I could escape my parents, I'd do so in a heartbeat.

My mom is biased af! I can't wait to get out of this house. I want my own apartment, and my own shit. So what if you're older than me? If you want me to respect you, you had better respect me first. What goes around comes around, don't lock me up like an outlaw. You make me hate you.

Keeping it short, I lost my phone on Thursday. Correction, a few indians stole my phone. So screw you bastards. I hope they can't manage to sell it and when I beg they'll give it back. The school is uber injustice. If it was in America, this shit would be solved so quick you wouldn't have to blink an eye. Or it wouldn't be stolen anyway. I find it how bloody stupid that the school already know that these freaking indians bring trouble to school and have no intention at studying or whatsoever. How messed up is that? Go back where you belong, low-lives.

The Hunger Games is out and obviously who doesn't get to see it? Of course it would be me, who'd you think it would be? Freaking Jennifer Lawrence? So I'll probably download the good quality one online and watch it because my mom is f-ed up and won't bring me out to do shit.

Thanks for giving birth to me and letting me lead this screwed up life though. THANKS.

well, peace out. bbt with milo.

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer.

What up readers! xx

So hey there, it's almost midnight here but that's when my inspiration goes crazy so that's that.

I'm the most awkward person on earth not even kidding. I mean to strangers and people I'm not so close to, that is. If you knew me well, I'm probably one of the craziest people you know but you don't so I shall be the awkward turtle. Until you get to know me that is. :)

So right now I feel like swimming midnight! Obviously I'm not going to because no one will and my parents won't let me, lol. I guess you could say today I'm in one of them creative moods and decided to look up on how to make your own pillows and turns out it's hard as shit. So screw that thought. But I did fine a super vintage blog and fell in love with it but I forgot it's link so yeaaaah.

So I told my crush he's pretty. But wait, who does that. I ran out of things to talk so I become miss full of interesting shit. Don't blame me. Oh yeah and I found about this amaaaaazing thing called.. wait for it, UTORRENT. Pirate bay bitcheeees! But then obviously I downloaded tons of shit and then my brother complained about the internet speed, found out about my torrent and scolded me and stuff. You see, stupid maxis only allows us to download or whatever thing until a certain amount then after that the internet will get SUUUUUUPER SLOW until the end of the month. :/ Woops! I didn't know anything about torrent that's why. I just thought OH CAN DOWNLOAD AND IT'S FREE AND THE QUALITY IS AMAZING, OKAY YES. That's all, lol.

Eh, I ran out of things to talk and just asked my crush if he's gay. Okay this it. I'm such shit at trying to flirt. I AM SUCH A DORK

goodnight lovelies

xx

Rants & stuff.

So, hi guys!

Yeah, it's the hols! Woopadoodlyyypump.

Not as excited as I would be, why you asssssk. I'll tell you later.

Anyways, lately I've been into like make up & stuff. Yeah, I know I'm not a girly girl and I can't even paint my nails right, I'm such a fail at being a girl. But every girl has it in her, I believe. So I've been watching so many make up vids and I'm super inspired! But obviously in Malaysia we don't wear make up at this age. Or to school. Or maybe you do but not everyday, ah whatevs. So the main point is, if I go out wearing make up I'd probably be stereotyped as wannabe? Possibly. Not that I care buuuut if I saw a girl my age wearing make up I'd probably be all.. judg-y and all. I can't help it, probably everyone does it too.

Next thing, I'm not sure if I still wanna attend Christian Fellowship (CF). I want to but sometimes it's just so awkward for me as none of my friends want to accompany me there. Yeah, it's cool. Not like I ever accompany them to anywhere. I'm kidding. But anyways. I do have a few friends and my sister goes sometimes but it's kinda intimidating you know? Being alone-ish sometimes. I mean Matthew is there but obviously he has his friends too and then when my sister doesn't go I'm just like wheeawkwardturtleyaythisisfun with myself. Awkwaaaaard. Mhm. I know I should go there only for God and not to make friends or whatever. I mean yeah, make friends too but the main point is to be with God but sometimes you just need to know you have someone with you..

Sooooo here we go, why I'm not excited for the hols? Two words. MY. MOM.

Normally other teens' hols would be all fun, going out watching stuff, shopping and shit.

Me? Pft. My mom is forever banning me from going out like I'm a freaking outlaw! Seriously, I'm fourteen. I know it's not that big of an age and I understand if you don't let me go swimming and stuff. BUT I HAVE ONLY BEEN TO THREE OUTINGS IN MY WHOLE LIFE AND YOU WON'T TRUST ME? Shit. I can't contain my anger when it comes to this. Why don't you trust me?! We're Christians, we're supposed to have trust in the Lord in these things and not go and think that I'll get kidnapped slash raped by some psychopath alright?! Once in a while, I ask you and you say no. And when I ask why? "Oh, you're forever going out with your friends." What? 3 outings, my whole life. How am I FOREVER going out with my friends?! if idk, 15 hours means forever to you, wtf to that. And then when I try to prove my point that I'm not FOREVER going out, she says when my sister was 14 she never went out. Are you freaking kidding me, do we really need to have this conversation?.. THE FREAKING GENERATION IS FREAKING DIFFERENT FOR FREAKING SHIT SAKE. Next point, when I ask her if we can go out she's forever saying either she's tired or she's way too busy with work. If she's tired, fine, I get it. But she's freaking FOREVER BUSY WITH WORK LIKE WHAT THE HECK IS THIS? I DON'T GET IT ALL. If you don't want me to go out with my friends incase I get raped then at least let me go out with you or something. DO YOU WANT ME TO DIE KNOWING THAT MY WHOLE LIFE IS STUDIES AND THE HOUSE?

That was a long but much needed rant.

Goodnight readers, x.

I won't give up on us.

Hey there! Right now I'm stuck to Jason Mraz's I Won't Give Up. This song.. is just beautiful. So calming yet means so much & can bring tears. Yeah, I love.

I've been wanting to find a hoodie for soooo long. MOMMY PLEASE OH LORD. :(

And then, recently been hooked to rompers & jumpsuits! They're like so pretty. I love f21 and all but I've never bought clothes or shoes from there. Except accessories. Drives me mad to see all these stuff & just walk out of the store like I normally do. ESPECIALLY IN TOP SHOP. Just, cannot. But everything is bloody expensive & not as if I'm old enough to work yet.

& don't forget my obsession with lace shall never cease to exist! NEVER. Toms, shorts, cropped tops, cardis, headbands. So much lace, so little money.

Neways I'm craving a mango smoothie and wondermilk cupcakes! But if no can do, then I'll just settle for whatever cupcake you're bringing me :D huhuhuuu

Be going out soon to have dinner with my grandad! as usual every Saturday.

goodbye lovelies! xx

Back to square one.

Hi guys! I'm back to blogging. After about a year (or two) of letting my blog slowly fade into the dark. Yeah, I'll try & keep this blog up. But I just made this blog mostly for when times get rough and I feel the need to rage out. This is the place, this is where I'll be going.

So for those of you who don't know me and just happen to stumble upon my not-so-humble abode, here goes. I'm Esther. And this year I'm fourteen. I want to play the guitar but I don't have time for lessons. Sad case. I ABSOLUTELY HATE UNORIGINAL PEOPLE. That is something you must know about me. It just gets on my nerves way too often than necessary. I wouldn't call myself a hipster, but I guess I do have some characteristics of a hipster, ya could say so.

And my love for One Direction the boyband has amazingly grown over 1 year and a half. Such a short time yet they have managed to just charm me with their witty sense of humor, (I freaking love guys with a good senseofhumor) reeaaaally good looks, and angelic voices. Yeah, I know. You'd think, you only like them cause they're popular now. Bitch, I liked them in December 2010. Got anything to say? Straight up. Don't even think of talking behind my back. Cause in the end, I'll hear it neways.

I guess that's a pretty good description of me. Oh and that I love british people. 1D, Coldplay, Ed Sheeran, Alex Pettyfer, they all just .. get me. For example, 1D is just amazing. Coldplay is perfect. Ed Sheeran's voice is way too talented. Alex Pettyfer, oh thaaaaaat hair.

Yeah, I'm talkative. Abit long for a first post, but ohwell. G'nights! xx